Quiet Confidence

For most of my life I've been a people pleasing approval addict(yes that's a real thing). Mostly impart to my disability and wanting people to like me, I always felt like I had to keep a happy face and demeanor to match to prove I wasn't bitter about my life. In the 80's this was a common stereotype about persons with disabilities. It was also common for me to say a lot of what people wanted to hear so as to not argue or worse lose friends.

As I got older and metaphorically found my voice I felt so excited just to hear myself speak, whenever I spoke up expressing exactly what I wanted. Even so I still was self conscious about "how did I sound" "did I make sense"... lots of little voices going in my mind.  I felt I had a long way to go. Fast forward 20 years to about a week ago. I was meeting with someone regarding recertification for residency where I live. We were almost done yet discussing something of a mathematical concept I should have caught onto quicker. The more I didn't understand the more questions I asked and therefore the more frustrated the person I was speaking to got. It got to the point where I felt uncomfortable and I found myself calmly, yet firmly and directly asking "Are you mad at me?" Followed by "I'm not a stupid person, I feel you're being condescending to me" I Couldn't Believe It! The words just came out, no hot flushed face, no second guessing what I said and no nervous shakes! This could've gone totally different since I had been awake for about 12hrs and it was after 12noon.  The person didn't exactly apologize, I really wasn't looking for one yet her patience level, demeanor and treatment of me got better. Leaving the meeting, I felt a quiet confidence that I hadn't in a long time. And I couldn't help think about how I believe it relates to being a wedding planner and a bride during the planning process.... It's almost midnight so... More Tomorrow!

BOO...Remember Me?!

Hey folks It's me, Kara. No, you're not seeing things, it's been yet another year since I've blogged. I stink at this but aim to try again  A lot has happened and changed. As you may notice my last post has been deleted. My sister's no longer engaged. Thankfully she was able to get out of a bad relationship. I wish I had seen or paid more attention to little things that may have suggested this wasn't going to be a good fit for her and not even involve myself but I shouldn't dwell on it now. I can only hope to learn from the experience and use it to first and foremost be a better sister and speak up when something doesn't see right. Professionally speaking I hope to make better choices as far as the couples I work with. Maybe that's not possible though... I digress...

As for me, a lot of positive things have happened. The last six or so years have been difficult in many ways and I feel for the first time in a long time I'm rediscovering who I am, regaining confidence and moving on from a lot of pain and hurt.  On a funny note, I've never bought so many shoes and clothes in one year...I surprised myself LOL. In May, after five years unemployment, I got a new job working retail. It gives me just enough hours to increase income while affording me enough time(should I use it wisely) to move closer to my goal of actually starting up a wedding planning business. In October I celebrated one year as a member of the Association of Bridal Consultants. I look forward to learning, growing and networking in the weeks, months ahead. 

So that's what I've been up to.  Let me know what you think of the blog, ask questions about weddings, the planning etc. Anything.  Take care and God Bless. :)